It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
