Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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