I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows