Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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