you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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