We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
