I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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