i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
