I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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