i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
