First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize