In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
