Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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