We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
