i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
