You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
