There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
