oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
