But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
