Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
