Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
