You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
