the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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