I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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