do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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