dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
