I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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