We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Randomize
