she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
