I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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