youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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