so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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