Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
