you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
