Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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