Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
40s are totally the cure
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
