I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
