the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Where is the hickey?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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