I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
