so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
