i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
