ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
