i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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