Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
