how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
