how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..