sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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