normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
porn star boner night. come get it.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
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She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
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We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?