I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam