My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt