This is not my ceiling
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us