the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME