It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.