I think I won the penis lottery.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
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how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??