Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
