He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
