Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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