Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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