You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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