it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
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Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
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Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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