is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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