beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
