she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
