fuck your aforementioned shoe
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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