Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
